Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Ballad of the Poorly Timed Anesthetic

In my opinion, The Beverly Hillbillies was one of the most cleverly-written sitcoms of all time, and I never get tired of watching that show. I got the tune stuck in my head today, and decided to re-work the ballad. Believe it or not, this took me about 5 hours to write. The Ballad of Jed Clampett was composed and performed by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs in 1962, and the last stanza is heard with the closing credits. If, by some chance, you don't recall the tune, I've provided a link to refresh your memory. You may find yourself humming while you work. Enjoy!
The Ballad of Jed Clampett

Your patient’s on the table, loaded up with Versed
He’s breathing through a mask with a BIS on his head
You give lidocaine, then you push some propofol
And crank up the best volatile of them all
Desflurane, it’s insoluble

A nurse asks you “Can we put this catheter in?”
“We'll hurry so the surgeon can begin.”
You intubate the trachea with your Mac 3 blade
Better get that Ancef in before incision is made.
Prophylaxis, keeps them germs away

Surgery commences and your patient’s doing fine
So you flush that rocuronium through your IV line
Now the wound is being closed and you check the train of four
There ain't no freakin' twitches, it’s a state you can’t ignore
I need neostigmine, y'all! And some robinul!
At last...head lift...pull that tube!

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