Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Matter of Principle

     Yesterday was my first day back at work in 2012. I resigned from my position here in Rome a couple of months ago, and am currently working my 90 day notice. January 27th will be my last day at the hospital, and although the next three weeks are going to be bittersweet, I can safely say that I have absolutely no regrets about leaving this job. The hardest part will be leaving behind the friends I've made here, along with the people I've come to know and care about at work; they've all been welcoming and wonderful. This will be the second move Brad and I have made in less than a year. We'll be going back to Atlanta, where my children are and where Brad's new IT job is, completely uprooting ourselves once again. Me? I don't have another job lined up yet, and honestly, I've never felt happier or more free. Writing has saved me. Who knows...I may end up writing a book.
     Although uncertainty floods my consciousness, I'm embracing it. "Not knowing" is guiding me into new territory, and I am going with the proverbial flow. It's a time of transition, of profound contemplation, and I've granted myself the luxury of questioning everything, especially with regard to the practice of anesthesiology and medicine. When did being an anesthesiologist become synonymous with being a warm body, a do-as-you're-told-don't-speak-don't-ask-easily-replaceable part of "the machine"? I am disillusioned, but I'm not jaded or cynical. I refuse to blindly accept the the status quo. I am defiant in my belief that medicine should be focused on improving patient care and making it more accessible, not accessorizing insurance and hospital CEOs whose primary goal is getting rich. I'm not willing to ignore my better judgment or fly by the seat of my pants. I cannot resign myself to the corruption and pressure from above, which are actively compromising the very essence of the practice of medicine. This isn't just a job to me; it's a matter of principle.
     Now is an extraordinary time. I am tuned in and turned on to my inner voice, which is urging me to keep doing what I'm doing. Keep writing. Seek inspiration in ordinary, everyday things. Channel the creativity that's been suppressed all these years into something meaningful and fulfilling. Keep going. It will sustain you. Keep your fingers crossed for me...I'm taking the plunge.

Tao Te Ching

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