Sunday, May 27, 2012

We've Always Been One

     I'm sitting at the desk in our hotel room, sipping mediocre coffee from a styrofoam cup, waiting for my husband to wake up. The obtrusive whir from the air conditioning unit camouflages his rhythmic sleep-breathing, drowning out any auditory evidence of the two human beings currently occupying this room. He's lying on his back, almost completely motionless except for the automatic rise and fall of his chest. Is he dreaming right now? He stirs, rolling over onto his side, burrowing further beneath the covers, and lets out a deep sigh. How can it be that we've only known each other for five years? I sometimes wonder if it's possible to intimately know another person, or whether that's just what we tell ourselves because we like the reassurance of feeling as if we're "in the know" about the people with whom we share our lives. Most of us refuse to know ourselves; how can we really know another?
     This warm, sensual skin which envelops each of us gives the physical illusion of "him" and "me", but the only real boundary circumscribing us is that of our own thoughts, thoughts which readily evaporate in the spontaneous bliss of carnal knowledge. Our thoughts no more define us than our clothes do. Just as clothes conceal our true forms, thoughts are obstacles to our innate intuition, superfluous barriers to the primal sense of connection and interdependence we enjoyed before we developed conscious reasoning. To accept our thoughts as reality is to be imprisoned by them. Why are we so apprehensive about letting them go? In releasing ourselves from the bondage of our egos, the opacity of "me" and "you" is supplanted with the transparence of "I" and "we", and suddenly, we remember we've always been one, that we're only as separate as the thoughts which distance us.
    

7 comments:

  1. In reality I think that we will only ever know as much as the other person wants us to know. Many a time I have seen married couples or people who were in long time relationships become totally miffed and shocked by their partners decision, opinions, reaction etc to something. That is because they thought they knew them intimately,and could have almost guessed what their next move would have been.

    Sometimes ones thoughts are not made known as they don't wish to provoke bad reaction or ruin a relationship, or cause an argument over an issue.

    In my experience, you'll usually find out what some people have been thinking when 'the rubber hits the road' if you know what I mean. On the other hand, its nice to think you are both on the same wave length and are One.

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  2. "To accept our thoughts as reality is to be imprisoned by them."
    ---profound! i always believe that we cannot truly know each others, but indeed, comparing with the feeling of connecting to other lives, the joy of love, how important is our egos?
    thanks for sharing. your writing style lucid and beautiful!

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  3. I think it is very hard to know what others are thinking, what there dreams are, and their actual feelings on most things in life. Maybe we just go thru life thinking we know what we think we know and in the end we are still wondering, as you pointed out in this great Sunday morning post. Its good that watching your husband sleeping gave you the inspiration to write this post, I have enjoyed it alot, thanks Kris.

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  4. Kris, what does it mean to know yourself, or another person? I have no idea. If two people can have some fun together, that's enough for me.

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  5. Ah...one of our core desires, I think, is to be 'known'. And yet - the older I get, the more I see how very complex we are. I think we can know another very well, for human standards - but believe that there is an 'I' that will always be out of the reach of another's eyes - this is what causes our separateness. It is the right balance of separateness and intimacy that strikes the healthiest balance in a good relationship. Nicely written!

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  6. Kris, very thoughtful post! You are so right that most of us barely know ourselves, how can we know another? We can’t, not really. We can only surmise but we can never really know. Sometimes I think I know someone but it’s just the “illusion” of that person; I am seeing only what I want to see. Perhaps it’s best that we can never really know another’s thoughts, keeps balance in the universe.

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  7. What a great post -- and great responses, too. I've been married to my husband for over 20 years, so I know him pretty darn well. Yet there are still times when he throws me for a loop. I like what Melody says about the right balance of separateness and intimacy being the healthiest.

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