Sunday, February 2, 2014

Everyone Loves Meat Loaf

Puddin' Thighs adjusted her hairnet, giving the elastic waistband of her suffocating pantyhose a determined yank.

Sucking a final drag from the filterless cigarette clenched tightly between her teeth, she averted her gaze from the puke-green cinder block wall behind the stained wooden chopping block onto the ketchupy splotches besmirching her clunky lunchlady shoes.

Smiling coyly, she dumped another plastic bucketful of greasy mystery meat into the trusty old Hobart mixer.

"Everyone loves meat loaf," she murmured, clearly pleased at how ridding herself of yet another rotten ex-husband permitted her to remain within the school's annual cafeteria budget.

35 comments:

  1. Thanks for making it impossible for me to eat meat loaf ever again without feeling terribly uncomfortable—and possibly throwing up.

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    1. Haha, Joel, that's the plan, my man.

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    2. Oh my. I just thought of something that hadn't occurred to me before.

      I seem to recall you mentioning that your current marriage is not your first one. Um. Er. I don't mean to pry, but has anyone seen your previous husbands lately?

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    3. Ah, that's a great question! You'd make a fabulous detective, Joel. I was married to the same man twice, and I'm happy to report that aside from being alive and well, he and I are on friendly terms :-)

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  2. Haha, funny yet disturbing. I like Joel above will be passing on Meatloaf for a while.

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    1. Definitely might make you think twice before partaking of cafeteria mystery meat, huh?

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  3. Me: I think I'm going to eat meat loaf tonight but first (Turns computer and reads Helena's post)

    Me: Yeah, maybe I'll just order a pizza.

    Lol nice post.

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    1. Dean, just make sure you know what's actually IN that pepperoni :-D

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    2. (Dean sighs) I guess cheese pizza it is. Lol...you win this time Helena. I usually can stomach most things but I kept picturing the cigarette ash or even better the cigarette butt falling into the meatloaf mix. =/ lol

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  4. Don't do it, Kirs, 'cause you can do it so well! (I mean writing that grisly stuff.)

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    1. I have no idea where this came from. That's what's so disturbing...mwahahahaha!

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  5. It's every woman's secret on how to make a meatloaf special and their own.

    Great short!

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    1. Wonder how many women share this secret recipe?

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  6. Kris, I know you and Brad have had some tensions lately, but really!

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  7. haha...thats nice one - horror it is :D

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    1. Thanks, Nandidi...your 100 word flash fiction post inspired me to write this post. What fun!

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  8. What a fun flash fiction, Kris! Puddin’ Thighs (great name and description!) and her secret meatloaf recipe…you just described every school child’s fear of the lunchlady and what she’s serving LOL! Rotten exs beware too, Puddin’ Thighs knows how to wield her chopping block and use her Hobart mixer LOL! You are so creative, writing a riveting story in so few words is not easy and you’ve accomplished that perfectly. Really enjoyed this!

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    1. The lunchladies I've known throughout grade school and high school were kind of mean ogres. One of them wouldn't allow me to have lunch when i'd forgotten to bring lunch money, so I guess I've never forgiven lunchladies for that travesty. Flash fiction is a real challenge for someone as verbose as me! :-)

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  9. OK until the very end I had no idea how this could ever be a scary story... I thought perhaps I was on the wrong page! Lol... And forgive my very mature reaction, but ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! *will never eat public meatloaf again*

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    1. Ewwww...that's what my mom said, too. She did NOT like this story at all, LOL. I've always been a little wary of public meatloaf...with good reason!

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  10. Oh, you are wicked Kris.
    I've never liked meatloaf...I mean, what the Hell do you drink with that? Mmm, maybe merlot?
    Cheers, ic

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    1. Or a nice Chianti and some fava beans, a la Hannibal Lechter? ;-)

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  12. Ewww! No wonder cafeteria food is so terrible. :) Loved it, Kris.

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    1. I remember when the boys were in school, I'd print out the monthly school lunch menu and post it on the fridge. It seemed as if meatloaf made an appearance twice a week!

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  13. That coyly-smiling Puddin' Thighs is simply incorrigible. :)

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  14. Nice - the world needs a high-school re-make of Sweeney Todd.

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    1. You might be onto something there. Get rid of all those corrupt school administrators by making meat loaf outta them!

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  15. I love this Helena. In England, we've all been eating mystery meat for quite some time and nobody complained until they told you what was in it. I'm wondering what happened to the famous race horse that went missing years back, ha ha ha.

    And what doesn't kill you, will fatten you, they say.

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    1. Some identities are better left anonymous, I suppose. In all seriousness, the prisoners here in the US are fed mystery loaf, which is basically just starchy leftovers, pressed into a narrow pan and baked. Probably not a shred of mysterious meat in it!

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  16. In true short-short story fashion, it's all about the sting in the tale.

    Nicely done.

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    1. I enjoyed your flash fiction short as well, Big D. What a fun exercise!

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  17. nice little piece! i needed read a few times in order to get the point. thanks for make it short!
    i go with joel, never will eat meatloaf again, especially after learning the deficitions of some adjectives... lol

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